Do I have to be in the cut and bulk cycle

hey im working out for 4 years now but i lost almost all muscled during 6 months now im starting again and i have a high bf like 20 or 25 not sure.
But im tall 185cm and i weigh 100kg and 26 years old.
my advantage is that i dont look so fat because i have naturally very broad shoulders and back and long arms actually the best body for bodybuilding but i had always a problem with nutrition.
i guess i had an eating disorder always cycled between cutting and bulking although i guess i wasnt so fat back then i just hadnt a six pack.
this led to an decrease of performance which hindered me to get very strong.
when i see myself in clothes i think im too thin when i see my in underwear i think im too fat so ....


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