Was too skinny, began lifting/eating properly again... bloated/fat

So, I'll try to tell this in as succinct of a fashion as possible, but I do feel like the backstory matters a bit. I am 30 years old and I weight lifted (just about) non stop from 13 through 29. With only a couple of brief hiatus's. I had been doing body building style workouts for a couple of years and was very big for my size. I'm 5'11 and I weighed 194 while fluctuating between 8-10% body fat.

I worked as a personal trainer and then directed a health club throughout my 20's. Well, COVID did in my gym and I lost my workout spot/my job. I was dating a bartender and she got me a job working where she did. Which is what I did over the past year, worked in a bar, until recently when we split.

The girl and I began living together during this time. I was not lifting or doing much of anything. Just some push-ups/crunches here or there. I got thin, but I didn't mind. It actually felt good being light, more flexible, and not so DAMN SORE all of the time. I went from 194 down to the mid 180's. Which was to be expected.

Then, things took an unexpected turn of sorts. I pretty much always ate with my girlfriend. Who was an ex model and had very big problems with eating disorders/body image issues stemming back to her time in the industry (did it for about 4 years in her early 20's). Our relationship hit a snag, we began having problems, and due to the anxiety resulting from it. She began actively restricting again and starving herself. She lost 7 pounds in like 10-15 days (and said she wanted lose 10 more... horrifying as she already looked CRAZY thin). I also stopped eating much since she never wanted to. So, I would basically get through the day on snacks.

I dropped to 176 between mid December to mid January. An all-time low weight as an adult. People told me I looked WAY different. Finally, her and I split. I decide to take back control of my health. We had also been drinking a TON of booze working in a bar and hanging out after. I cut that out too.

I started pigging out a little probably a few weeks ago. Just trying to pack weight back on. Got back in the gym one week ago. But strangely... I notice in the mirror that I look like I'm carrying more than EVER. Like, out of NOWHERE the weight all came back and THEN SOME. I'm back over 190 except it's just my body RAPIDLY put back on fat. It's not muscle like it used to be.

Is this just my body retaining more fat than usual because it had been literally starved for a month? Is my brain playing tricks on me and I'm just perceiving myself as carrying too much fat because I was too skinny for a while? Am I retaining a bunch of water weight from my muscles being in shock from lifting again or maybe dehydration?

I'm trying to eat a lot of greens/lean meat and then just oatmeal in the morning. But I can't seem to stop this. My body, in a matter of a few weeks, did a TOTAL and COMPLETE 180 transformation. Not in a good way. I am hoping my body is just readjusting and this will all regulate.

Has anyone else seen or experienced this themselves? Being too skinny and then your body just decides to bloat the hell up when you turn healthy again?


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