Questions on lifting on a deficit

Hi all. First time poster so my apologies if anything is formated weird or if I'm in the wrong spot but I was curious what the effect would be on someone who is at a significant calorie deficit and also working out intensively 4-6 times a week? About me. 25 M, 6'4, 155lbs average weight

To make a long story short, I have some health issues right now but doctors don't know what exactly is the root issue and have been unable to provide anything to help significantly. The main problem with my health is my massive lack of appetite which leads to massive weight changes. Back when I was 18 I dropped 50 ish pounds over a year, all unwanted weight loss. To combat this I have tried different medications to help stimulate appetite, none of which have worked so far. I do use nicotine and smoke marijuana. All in all tho this is an issue.

On to my diet, I eat extremely healthy foods. Being extremely skinny brings on its own body dysmorphia though. I've cut out any free sugars and am eating very clean just about everyday. Getting hungry is a challenge though. But on average, each day I'm consuming probably 1k-1.5k calories which I know is super unhealthy. To anyone who would just say "eat more" please trust me I've tried for years and it's impossible.

On to my workouts. I lift on a ppl so 3 days, off 3 days, off, 3 days off, etc. I add in a lot of calisthenics workouts here because I really am looking to do some workouts I've never done before like completing a muscle up would be great progress! I don't do a ton of cardio at the moment but again my goal is muscle gain.

I recently saw my family for the first time in a while and after 3 months of working out they said I was looking just slightly bigger and more defined. Great to hear since I still hate myself in the mirror.

All this said I have a few questions.
1. What will the results be if I keep this up? Will I lose muscle eventually? Am I even building muscle this way? I'm scared I'm doing more damage to my body by exercising like this on such a deficit.

2. Would mass gainer be useful here? My body dysmorphia has gotten to the point where I am scared of consuming sugar and gaining any fat so I've been put off of those but at the same time it's the only thing I feel like could get me to a surplus or even a break even these days.

Really just looking for advice here. Feel free to ask questions and I'll answer as I can and again sorry if this post has terrible format. Any added advice is welcome as are any questions. Thanks all.


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